Loving Your Listings

Published on February 14, 2013

HeartI was asked to give a talk this week for one of the top real estate brokerages in Pensacola, Florida. Chris and I have known Audie Street, the manager at Mainstreet Properties for several years. He is one of those people you just can’t help but like. Audie is upbeat, energetic, positive, and thrives on helping his agents succeed. When he asked me to speak to his group on Valentines Day and said they wanted to title the talk, Loving Your Listings, of course I said, “Perfect.”

As I worked on the outline for my talk, I realized that Audie and his business partner, Holly Lovett, were seeing the same thing happening with their agents as we see from time to time in our coaching practice. Sales associates are reluctant to take listings because they are overwhelmed with not only trying to sell them in challenging markets, but also in these markets the home sellers can sometimes be difficult to work with.

If you can’t be in Pensacola with us on Valentines Day, we would like to share the love with you in our talk right now from the comfort of your own device.


Loving Your Listings

Let’s be clear, the title of the class is catchy and great for marketing, but we first need to talk candidly about what has to happen in order to truly love your listings.

Love yourself  +  Love others  

=  Love your listings 


You would probably agree that most of us got into real estate one or both of the following reasons:

Freedom, flexibility & unlimited earning potential

And yet many agents feel trapped, overwhelmed, attached to their portable electronic devices, and constantly worrying about where the next deal will come from.

Like helping people - it comes natural

But too many agents report allowing people to walk all over them, devaluing themselves by cutting their fees, giving their time away freely to those who do not appreciate them, feeling used and abused a large part of the time, and finding themselves resenting the very clients they set out to serve.

As a matter of fact, too often the more people agents serve, the less they like people overall. The better they get at their job (i.e. getting listings and sales), the less they love it. What seems like all of a sudden, they go from a new agent who is full of passion and excitement  to a crusty grumpy walking whiner who wonders why the heck anyone would want to be in real estate much less stay in it.

But by the time they figure this out, they have too much invested...so they settle.

The good news.

There is an easy fix IF  (and only if)  you are willing to look WITHIN for the solution.

Today is a perfect day to start since today, Valentines Day, represents LOVE.

Love for self AND love for others. Let me explain.

Loving yourself means first and foremost recognizing that you are valuable. You are worthy, capable, gifted, and whole. We call this self-esteem.

Loving yourself means giving yourself permission to be you - the real deal - 100% authentic. You are unique and special in that you have skills, talents, and instincts like none other. We call this your zone of genius.

Loving yourself means setting boundaries and establishing standards based on your values and priorities. You are not your job. Your job is a role you play in your life and it can certainly bring you joy, but the primary function of your career is to fund those things that you determine matter most to you.  We call this SoulFire.


OK, Nikki, so I get this self love thing and I am willing to give it a go, but what about loving other people unconditionally? There are a lot of people out there that I don’t like -much less love.

I get it. Believe me, I know the feeling - but hear me out. I would like to ask you to think of love a bit differently today. Not like the love we express on days like today, Valentines Day. Not an intimate, sexy or passionate love. And not the love you have for your kids or your parents... a familial love.

Let’s think about agape love. Spiritual love. Pure love for mankind. Love that comes from source energy and is channeled through you to other human beings and living things. Not religious love - this isn’t about being Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, or atheist. This is about the Universal Law of Allowing. Acceptance that each and every one of us is connected by source energy. We are one.

When you begin to look at others in this way, you begin to not only have a deeper appreciation for humankind, but you also begin to experience a deeper appreciation and love for self. Simply stated: When you love others more, you love yourself more and when you give others a break, you give yourself a break.

You may be saying, “Yes, count me in. I am totally willing to give this total agape love deal a try. But how? People are nuts.”

Here are a few suggestions for those who are wiling to give this experiment a go.

  • Withhold judgement. Instead of making someone or something right or wrong - good or bad - just contemplate it. Be curious. Say, “Huh. That is interesting.”
  • Make up better stories. We are constantly making up stories, filling in blanks, doing mind reads, and distorting facts anyway, so why not make up stories that are more positive than negative? The next time someone does something that irritates you, make up a story that you can live with instead of one that causes your energy to take a nose dive.
  • Look for (and expect) the gift. Every interaction and every circumstance has a gift in it. Sometimes it’s hard to to see in the moment, but later when you look back at it with open eyes, you will find that it moved you closer to a desired outcome. That is if you are open to seeing it.
  • Expect the best in people. We get what we expect and people show up the way we expect them to show up. When you expect someone to be or act a certain way, you are looking to validate your expectation and so of course you will see it. Whatever you expect is what you get, so expect the best in everything.
  • Honor other people’s world view. Every person alive has had a different experience of life. Even two children raised in the same household experience life differently. When you encounter someone - especially one who shares opposing views - recognize that they have a world view that is based on their perceptions, beliefs, experiences, and circumstances. It isn’t right or wrong- it just is.


What does all of this have to do with loving your listings?

Before you can begin to love a listing, you must first love yourself and love your client. If you do not love yourself, you will project this upon every thing and everyone you encounter. What we are experiencing and perceiving on the inside is projected through our actions and our decisions.

For example, if you do not love yourself enough to set standards and create boundaries, you will take overpriced listings and work with people who do not value your work. As a result of YOUR decision to work with this client, you will will ultimately find yourself angry, frustrated, and resentful somewhere along the way.

Is this about THEM or is this about YOU?

Similarly, if you do not love your client in such a way that you fail to recognize the pain and suffering happening on the inside and all you see is the irrational and argumentative person from the outside, you will ultimately have a negative experience working with them.

Is this about THEM or is this about YOU? 


The cold hard truth is this:  IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU.

And until you grasp this reality, nothing about your circumstances, relationships, income, or happiness will change.


Do you believe in the following statement? 

What you focus on grows. 

I do. And even though I believe in it, I sometimes forget to pay attention to my focus! For instance, I sometimes focus on being “too heavy” instead of focusing on living healthy. If I am focused on being “too heavy” what will my focus create? You guessed it...heavy.

When it comes to loving your listings, what are you focused on?

Do you focus on the kind of client you want or the kind that you want to avoid?

Is your focus on having “more listings” and so you get a bunch of listings and they are all low priced or in areas you don’t prefer to service?

Are you focusing on the “fires” you need to put out or the successes you experience each and every day?

Loving your listings is about mindset. It’s about intention. It’s about attracting into your life the things that bring you joy.

Loving your listings is about loving life. All of it.


Ready to love your listings? 

Tomorrow morning, on Friday, we will be talking about how to create a SoulFire niche in your real estate business. This class is about exploring some strategies and then implementing those that allow you to focus on the things that interest you and are in your zone of genius.

And then on Friday afternoon, we are gathering again for Selling with SoulFire - fueling your real estate career by reigniting your passion for life. During that talk, we will be looking at your goals to make sure you are focusing on positive outcomes and creating intentions and action plans that align with your values and goals.

Pensacola rocks!


Happy Valentines Day!!!


Nikki Buckelew is the Co-Founder and President of NikkiandChris.com Coaching and Training, a coaching and training company specializing in real estate, leadership, and life coaching for Realtors, brokers, and leaders with SoulFire. Buckelew is also the Founder and CEO of the Seniors Real Estate Institute, a coaching and training company specializing in senior real estate and housing and administrator for the Certified Senior Housing Professional® (CSHP) designation.


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