My Facebook Dilemma – 5 Things I Have Learned

Published on January 16, 2013

Nikki's facebook criteriaHaving nearly 5000 friends on Facebook is crazy.

And to think that all 4853 people were actually “friends” is delusional at best. 

Back when Facebook first came on the scene, it was so cool to have someone request to be my “friend.” Maybe it is my high “I” behavior style that loved the idea of someone wanting to connect with me. Then my high “D” behavioral characteristic and my competitive nature kicked into overdrive in an attempt to have more friends faster.

Being on the road teaching to large audiences across the country for a couple of years certainly helped as I added friends to my personal Facebook following. There were days that I had over 100 friend requests to manage and at times I wondered where all these people were coming from! 

Of course it took too much time to evaluate each one and I didn’t want to leave anyone out (wow - ego city) so I just clicked accept - accept - accept. Great way to kill time while sitting on an airplane waiting to take off or deplane.

Naturally, I was unable to interact with all these people, and over time it became evident that not only did I not reach out to them, they didn’t reach out to me either. My Facebook newsfeed became cluttered with status updates and photos posted by people I have never met and there was a bleak absence of posts by people I loved and adored.

The Facebook Dilemma

Guilt and obligation energies suck. I actually began feeling guilty that I didn’t have time to “like” everyone’s cute kid pictures, quotes of  the day or check in’s at Starbucks. Instead of excitement energy and fun I began to feel obligation energy and overwhelm. Yuck. Not good for me.

Now after almost 5 years (Feb 16, 2008) of building a presence on Facebook, I am realizing a few things.  

  1. More is not necessarily better (especially on my personal page).
  2. Trying to “manage” interactions with so many people is exhausting and typically non-productive.
  3. The people I really want to stay connected with have blocked my posts because they are sick of hearing about business related promotions and impersonal status updates designed to appeal to the masses (I am guessing, but feel pretty confident this is true-I have done it to other people so why wouldn’t they do it to me?).
  4. Facebook is shifting it’s offerings so that business owners benefit from using fan pages rather than personal profiles for promotions.
  5. My ego got the best of me and skewed my decisions about how to best leverage Facebook in my business endeavors.


Getting my priorities straight

With this being a New Year, it seemed like a perfect time to get in alignment with our goals, our values, and our business plan going forward.

In order to be in alignment with our values, it is important to stay connected with those we love. As big a pain as Facebook can be at times, it IS a great way to stay informed and share information with our inner circle. 

To achieve our goals, it is critical to be realistic about the numbers in our database and to be communicating with those who meet the criteria of our target audience.

And to carry out our business plan, we must be delivering added value to those who are interested in our products and services as well as our current, past, and future customers and clients.


Unfriend button

I really don’t like the “unfriend” button.

Maybe it is once again my High “I” behavioral style, but it just seems rude to say “I don’t want to be friends with you anymore” when what I am really saying is, “I want to connect with you in the appropriate venue for the relationship we have - come hang out with us on our fan page and send me yours!.”

I guess the button for that is probably too long. 


Collaborating and sharing shizzle

If I have a pet peeve about Facebook, this would be it. There are a lot of people out there who are creating personal profile pages for the purposes of business. How do I know this? It is pretty clear when the page name is Joe Smith Realtor with XYZ Realty and the profile picture is their logo. Or better yet, the page is designed around their brokerage and not even a person.

My guess is that they aren't doing it purposefully (benefit of the doubt) and just don't know how to make the fan page work for them.

Here’s the issue.

In order for me and you to share each other’s “business shizzle” on Facebook, we have to do it via our fan pages. I can’t share something of yours if you post it on a personal page unless I do so from my own personal page. There is the rub. I WANT to help promote other people’s blog posts, listings, celebrations, and pictures, but I want to do so from the BUSINESS perspective...not from my personal page. 

We actually have two fan pages. One fan page is for Nikki and Chris Coaching and the other is for the Seniors Real Estate Institute. Each of these have a very specific target audience and while there is some cross-over, we want to speak to the niche audiences of each company in a way that adds specific value to them.

And since people opt into being a “fan” and they can choose to interact on the page, it helps us to know if we are speaking to the right people and sharing information that appeals to them.


Will you please be my friend?

For me, everyone I interact with is a friend until proven otherwise (not true for Chris by the way). So that means that whether you are on my personal Facebook newsfeed or my business fan page newsfeeds, you are a friend. Depending on which page you frequent the most just tells me which circle you are in.

Some people are friends with the Seniors Real Estate Institute because they want to grow their seniors niche. Others are friends with Coaching because they want to have a SoulFire Business and life, while other are friends on my personal page because they like to see what is up with me and the grandbaby, our various travels, the boat stuff, or what I'm having for lunch (that is a joke - no one cares what I am having for lunch...I hope).


I want to be your friend

Memories of Mr. Rogers just entered my head. Won't you be my neighbor? Hee hee. 

If you have a fan page for your biz, please let us know about it so we can LIKE it and follow your feed. If we see things that we believe are worthy of a "share" or comment, we will happily engage and know you will do the same with us. We will probably even "tweet" it!

For those who rarely or never interact with us on Facebook and whom we don't have a tight relationship with, we hope you won't take it personally if you find that you are no longer a "friend" on our personal page. If you truly are a friend or we have become such through Facebook...never fear. We aren't looking to ditch our peeps! Stalkers... yes, but peeps, no.


What's Your Story?

We would love to hear your comments! Please share with us in the comments section below this post!

What is your social media strategy?

Do you have one? Is it working?

What is working and what is not?

How are you using social media and when is it problematic?

What is your criteria for Facebook friends?

How do you use your fanpage effectively?

We want to hear from you ... no doubt we have a lot to learn! 


Want to be friend on Facebook? Stop by and LIKE our fan pages and let's help each out by sharing mutually relevant content with our fans!


Oh... and please don’t try to sell us your social media services by way of the public comment box....private message us if you want to sell your shizzle! Thanks in advance!


Nikki Buckelew is the Co-Founder and President of Coaching and Training, a coaching and training company specializing in real estate, leadership, and life coaching for Realtors, brokers, and leaders with SoulFire. Buckelew is also the Founder and CEO of the Seniors Real Estate Institute, a coaching and training company specializing in senior real estate and housing and administrator for the Certified Senior Housing Professional® (CSHP) designation.


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  • Judie

    Nikki this is a great post and has answered a lot of questions I have been asking myself. Thanks for adding clarity!

    • I get the feeling that a lot of people are having similar dilemmas. Those of us who want to be helpful can sometimes get bogged down in the FB drama and it is not easy to decide where to direct our energy. Some days it’s inspiring and other days it’s maddening! 🙂 Thanks for taking time to comment!

  • Dayhna Carroll

    You really shed some light on this cloudy subject. I will totally incorporate these jewels into my own business. Thanks Nikki!

    • Thanks Dayhna. It is a work in progress and I am not sure that it won’t change, but for now, I am going with the flow!

  • Katey Shinn says: I feel EXACTLY the same way! I need to establish the “groups” on Facebook to make sure the posting are appropriate for the right audience. Any tips on this would be great!

    • Great to hear and see you are alive and well. Long time no see.

      As far as groups on FB go, I don’t like them myself. For one thing, I don’t like it when people put me a group. If I opt into one that is one thing, but I don’t like it when someone creates a group and adds me without asking. I am in about 50 groups right now and frankly, I don’t want to me in them.

      You can create “lists” which allows you to segregate people and look at the newsfeed for them specifically. This does not overcome the issue of personal vs. business.

      My goal on my Facebook page is to get people who actually WANT to be a part of my tribe to go and register on my website so I have the ability to send them information on my own terms. I don’t like having to consider whether or not someone sees me in their feed. Also, once they have raised their hand to say “YES” send me stuff, I don’t have to pay to advertise to them via email – Facebook is going to charge me to make sure they see my stuff in their newsfeed. That bothers me.

      Anyway, I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to do it. I think that whatever works for each person is the way they should proceed. Hope that helps! – Nikki

  • Andrea Franklin

    Thank you for this post Nikki! I need to do something about my facebook as well, personal and business 🙂 I have not read all the new facebook conditions, but I’m hearing the chatter.

    • tscadmin-nikki

      You know Andrea, I had not really thought about it much until lately. Just that little inner whisper that said, Hey Nik…this is out of control and no longer fun. So… I said let’s do something about that! It’s a process.

  • Marc Johnson

    So how do we move these people from our “Friend” page to our “Fan” page.

    • tscadmin-nikki

      Not an easy task. I understand their are ways to physically do it, but my belief is that unless they truly opt in…it may as well be spam. I frequently have people add me to a “group” without my permission and it is maddening. The best way I have found is to add value to your followers on your page and they spread the word about it. Then you get a true and organic following on your page. Add content to your fan page to attract the followers you are looking for and promote those posts or share them in other sites so that they find you on FB also. Hope that helps! We are all learning along the way. A new frontier!